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Giving Rewards

Part Deux Of ibnabeeomar`s Muslimmatters article

The last posting ended with discussing how the Prophet (saw) interacted with youth, and specifically showing an example of how he used positive reinforcement to impact their lives.

Another method that he used was to reward them for an action that they did. There is one very vivid example of this, a reward so great that we are still reaping the benefits of that gift.

Abdullah ibn Abbaas (ra) said told us that one time Rasoolullah (saw) went to use the toilet and he realized that the Prophet (saw) would need to make wudu, so he brought him some water and waited for him. When the Prophet(saw) came out he inquired about who brought the water, and then he immediately made this dua: “O Allah teach him this deen and its interpretation (ta’weel).”

From this dua he became so knowledgeable despite the fact he was only with the Prophet(saw) for barely 2 years. The reward from the Prophet (saw) was not materialistic as we may have expected, but one of positive benefit to the young man.

We see that this youth was rushing and racing to do good, a product of his environment. If he had not been in an environment of people who pray Tahajjud, of being given advice to worship Allah (swt), he may not have been in a position to serve the Prophet (saw) in such a manner. Moreover, what if he had not done this good deed? It is entirely possible that the Prophet (saw) would not have made this dua for him, a dua which we know was answered and the legacy of which we still seek knowledge from. He became a scholar that other sahabah looked up to and testified to his virtues.

We must pause, reflect, and ask ourselves a simple question: What do we really wish for our children? The Prophet (saw) was so elated at this simple act of kindness from this youth, that he made dua for the most important thing that he could - for him to have full comprehension of the religion of Allah (swt).

Take the example of Abu Hurairah (ra). There is not a single person who does not wish for their children to be as knowledgable as Abu Hurairah, to be loved like Abu Hurairah, to be as stringent with the sunnah as him - yet how few are the parents now who would accept his being poor and staying in the masjid, memorizing hadith all night long, as a sacrifice for that noble goal? What about accepting for our children to be pulled out of school for a couple of years to memorize Quran? Or sacrifice a Master’s degree for Islamic studies?

One way we can answer the question of what we really want for our children is to think about the dua we make for them. Are we supplicating to Allah to make them pious Muslims who will attain Jannah? To make them the type of children who can pray for us after our deaths, and their supplications be answered?

We have to break the mold of thinking that only the ‘less intelligent’ kids are pushed into Islamic studies. Abu Hanifah was approached by a man in the marketplace who asked him, who do you study with? He replied no one, I tend to my business. He told him, go and sit with the scholars, for I see signs of intelligence in you. Do we preoccupy ourselves with being this type of turning point in the lives of our youth? Or do we instead see signs of medicine, business leadership, and algorithm analysis?

Giving youth a reward does not have to necessarily be spiritual in nature. If we look back at the previous point of making a positive association, we can think of many creative ideas. For example, one memory I have of childhood is my father taking me by the sno-cone stand on my way home from school when I was very young. Even now, when I see a sno-cone stand, I cannot resist eating one, not just because I enjoy the taste of them (which I do), but becaues subconsciously it reminds me of those positive memories of my childhood.

Imagine now, a child who has a father that takes him to eat ice cream after Quran class. Or maybe they play basketball together at the masjid together after prayers. Even though it may not seem like a big deal, as that youth grows older, they will now have a positive memory associated with the act of going to the Masjid. Those from ‘back home’ can tell how this runs quite contrary to the memorable beatings some people used to receive at masaajid.

Some people may consider this to be bribing children, and how children should go to the masjid simply because they’re supposed to, so this is wrong. Sorry, but I flat out disagree. They are KIDS after all. They need a little enticement, and a little fun. These are the building blocks, especially in this society, that must be laid down in order for them to have that level of ikhlaas later on in life.

None of this should detract though, from the real lesson in this hadith - making dua for our youth, and especially our own children. We need to make it a constant practice to always be making dua for them. The dua of a parent for the child is one of the ones that is accepted, so we need to take advantage of it. Even if it is a simple “jazakAllahu khayr” when they do something good, do not belittle this act at all. Dua is the real weapon of change and success.

Coming up in Part 3 bi’idhnillah- How to make the youth feel like the center of the action.

DIY Jingle

The Young Ones...........

Today`s Khutbah at a certain Mosque in the Coughing Hills was touched on the status of our Muslim Youth in Singapore. Eventhough there were postive comments, personally, upon reading ibnabeeomar `s article from muslimatters.org and being in the youth dawa` scene for quite some time, the fallacies and problems will always be there if we fail to inculcate the correct values and from there, to always give good/positive reinforcements for our youth. The last part of the article i can relate to fairly well, even though this always happen every day in the mosques when there are madrasah classes. Lagipun, asatizah rarely makes the noises, its only the kids and the parents of the kids that make the most noise.

P.S( I might be wrong in saying the last sentence above, so pls dun give me a hard time with the replies)

The dilemma of dealing with the youth is not unique to any one community, or even to the West. It is something that affects the global Muslim ummah. While we have many programs geared towards the youth (or attempted to anyway), it seems many of them are unsuccessful. What is the correct approach to dealing with them? How did the Prophet (saw) do youth outreach? It is something obvious, yet ignored, that there is in fact a prophetic methodology to dealing with them.

In this article I hope to highlight some examples of two points,

1. How the Prophet (saw) interacted with children, and
2. The role models that children pick to follow.

To learn the Prophetic method of interacting with children, we must pay special attention to those ahadeeth in which his interaction with them is highlighted. These are narrations many of us are familiar with, and benefit from in terms of fiqh and ahkaam, but we never step back and put these narrations in the context of the experience of the actual narrator - who was oftentimes a youth.

When the Prophet (saw) was around children, he was loving, respectful, and paid them full attention.

Abu Qatadah reports that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam was offering salah and Umamah bint Zainab was on his neck [shoulder]. When he performed ruku’, he put her down, and when he got up from his sajdah, he would place her back on his neck. ‘Amr inquired during which salah this happened. Ibn Juraij said that it is related from Zaid ibn Abu ‘Atab from ‘Amr ibn Salim that this happened in the morning prayer. This is related by Ahmad, anNasa’i, and others.

Al-Fakihani comments: “The purpose behind the action of the Prophet of carrying Umamah in the salah was to set an example before the Arabs who considered having daughters and carrying them around as something bad or shameful. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam acted differently from them, and carried a girl on his neck in the prayer, and making something clear by example is much more effective than a mere precept.”

Normally we gather from this the fiqh of holding children in salah, or use it to debate the merits of bringing children to the masjid. These issues have their time and place, however, in this instance let us step back and look at it from a different perspective: That of Umaamah bint Zaynab, and the other youth observing this event.

We learn the importance and respect that the Prophet (saw) gave to children. We see the way they he honored them. We see the way that the children were welcomed in the masaajid with dignity. Compare this to our situation nowadays where children are yelled at, thrown out of the first row, and more or less treated as third-class members of the congregation.

Anas was a small child when he was given as a servant to the Prophet (s). About his time there, he narrated that, I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, “Uf” (a minor harsh word denoting impatience or displeasure) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?” (Bukhari)

SubhanAllah. This is truly amazing from a number of angles. We normally see this hadith as a testament to the truly noble character of the Prophet (saw), however, there is another perspective here. That is the lasting effects of this on a 10 year old boy for his entire life. What kind of person will he become when he was raised upon this methodology? [Radi’Allahu ‘anhu, we know what kind of great man he became] This is the lasting memory of a lifetime that this child will have. He will remember never being criticized, never scorned, and always being treated with kindness, compassion, and patience.

Anyone who has a child knows how difficult it would be to go even 10 hours (in some cases 10 minutes) much less 10 years without scolding their own child about something. What then, about someone else’s child, one whom you have even less patience to deal with? We should compare our own parenting methods, our own ways of interacting with kids in light of this example.

In another hadith narrated by Abdullah in Abbas – and ibn Abbas is a famous scholar among the companions. He was with the Prophet (saw) only about 2 and half years. He was born 3 years before the hijrah. He was only 13 when the Prophet (saw) died. He is the scholar who learned the whole Qur’an. This also shows you who was in the constant company of the Prophet (saw).

He narrates: One day I was behind the Prophet (sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam) [riding on the same mount] and he said: O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]: Be Mindful of Allaah and Allaah will protect you. Be Mindful of Allaah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, then ask Allaah [alone]; and if you seek help, then seek help from Allaah [alone]. And know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, they would not benefit you except with what Allaah had already prescribed for you. And if they were to gather together to harm you with anything, they would not harm you except with what Allaah had already prescribed against you. The Pens have been lifted and the Pages have dried. It was related by at-Tirmidhee, who said it was a Good and Sound Hadeeth.

Focus first on the beginning of this narration. They were riding together on the same mount. They were spending time together. The Prophet (saw) was quite literally hanging out with this young child. Think about that. The one who is in charge of the entire Muslim nation, responsible for his own family, his ummah, entrusted with the Revelation of Allah, is hanging out with this lad!

How sad is our situation when Muslim fathers cannot even make time for their own children? What situation are we in when we feel too full of ourselves to spend time with the younger children, and engage them? Look at the manner in which the Prophet (saw) addressed him! If we did not know the biographical data of Ibn Abbaas (ra) we would have thought he was speaking to an adult.

The Prophet (saw) is treating this youth with a great deal of respect. He addresses him by saying ‘young man,’ a way of honoring him, and making him receptive, perking up to hear what is going to follow. Also pay attention to the actual advice he gave him. Think about young ibn Abbaas, the lucky youth spending time with the Prophet (saw). Put yourself in the situation. You are a youth, you are riding with the most important man on the face of the earth, the one chosen and sent by Allah, the most beloved of His creation, and he tells you, ‘Young man, let me give you some advice…’ How would you react? How would you internalize this advice? Look at the actual advice in and of itself, it is comprehensive enough for an entire book to be written about. Is there any doubt that this young man will grow up implementing the lessons of this advice 110%?

How do we advise our own children? In what manner do we speak to them? Do we demean them, or speak to them like they are incapable of understanding anything of importance? The example of the Prophet (saw) is quite the opposite of this. In fact, his example is a personification of the Quranic injunction on how to advise your own child.

And (remember) when Luqmân said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allâh. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allâh is a great Zûlm (wrong) indeed. …. “O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allâh will bring it forth. Verily, Allâh is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well ­Aware (of its place). O my son! Aqim­is­Salât (perform As­Salât), enjoin (people) for Al­Ma’rûf (Islâmic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al­Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allâh, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allâh with no exemption. And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allâh likes not each arrogant boaster. And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the donkey.” [Surah Luqman]

With advising the youth also comes teaching. We find the Prophet (saw) in many narrations using positive reinforcements, rewards, and simply giving importance to the youth to teach them lessons.

A positive reinforcement is creating an association for the child with some action and a positive outcome from it.

Jaabir bin Samurah – a young child – narrated that he prayed Dhuhr with the Prophet (saw) in the masjid. He said that the Rasool (saw) went to his house and he went with him. As the Prophet (saw) was walking, he would wipe his hands on the cheeks of the kids passing by. Jaabir said that he never smelled a fragrance that was more beautiful than the fragrance of the hand of the Prophet (saw).

Look at this event from the point of view of Jaabir. His memory of Dhuhr at the masjid is one of walking with the Messenger of Allah (saw). It is a memory of being close to him, of touching him, of smelling the fragrance of his blessed hand, and seeing the happiness he (saw) brought also to the other children around him.

Compare this to Dhuhr at our local masaajid on a Sunday afternoon. The kids are run amuck, administration often forced to resort to yelling at them, while their own parents wait impatiently outside in their cars to pick them up from babysitting Sunday School.

Think about Jaabir for the rest of his life - whenever he goes to the Masjid now, he will always have this fond memory, he can always remember this frangrance in his mind, and he has a positive reinforcement associated with going to the salah.

What positive reinforcements are we working on for our youth?